i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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