I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
