I skipped work to stalk him.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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