meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
