why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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