Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
