thus making me awesome and them whores
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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