Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
