can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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