your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
