apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
