I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
