Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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