I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
