I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
