He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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