I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I forget how to act sober
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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