I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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