so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
