dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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