Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Im part way to drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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