All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
