dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
