I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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