I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
