Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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