he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
