I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
