My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You need Xanax blowdarts
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
