He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this just has baby written all over it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
