I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
