Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
