Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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