I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there's paper in my vomit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
