i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
