if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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