I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
