i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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