It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
