i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
