you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize