Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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