somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
