i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
