I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
