finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
