Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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