I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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