I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
