we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
