I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
