i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
