Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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