we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
