Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
