I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
