My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
