are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
