i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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