As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
