I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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