Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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