My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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