new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize