Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
