Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
