party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
