Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
