dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
